How To Get the Most Out of Your Therapy
April 18, 2025
Written by Miranda Keene, LMHCA
Reviewed by Lauren Crockett, LMHC
In our last post we spent time exploring and getting comfortable with different things to talk about in therapy. With a good sense of that under our belt, let’s dive deeper and get more comfortable with what to expect and how to get the most out of your therapy experience.
It’s a common and very human experience to feel insecure that we’re not doing something “right” when we’re trying something that’s new to us. This is especially true when you don’t have a similar reference point to draw from.
And this makes sense. Imagine your outgoing friend has an extra invitation to a sophisticated cocktail party filled with people you don't know. You're used to casual get-togethers, but you agree to go, figuring she can navigate the room and introduce you.
Midway through the evening, she gets pulled into an intense conversation across the room, and you're left balancing a delicate canapé, suddenly unsure of the unspoken rules of mingling.
What’s going on here? Humans are really good at pattern recognition; we’re constantly scanning our environment to make connections that help us feel more secure about knowing what to expect, which in turn allows us to know how to meet those expectations.
If you're really good at a skill, like navigating social situations for example, you've created connections that help you with conversational mechanics like how to gracefully enter a conversation, how to make small talk flow, what topics are generally well-received, what non-verbal cues signal interest or disengagement, etc.
You’ve also learned what the expected social etiquette might be, such as what style of dress or social behavior is expected at such an event, or which types of drinks or introductions carry more social weight while others are more casual. If you're new to such gatherings, you simply don't have as many connections established and that can very understandably leave us feeling insecure.
Another way of saying this is that if you’re new to something, you don’t know what the established expectations are and how to meet them. You might know some more bold folks that jump in feet first and thrive in situations like this, and you might know some more cautious folks that feel deeply uncomfortable in the unknowing.
Regardless of which side of the personality spectrum you’re on, we’ve compiled a few tips that can help anyone feel more secure in knowing what to expect—and thus how to thrive—in the therapeutic process.
We want to know the real you.
Therapy is meant to be a place where you can lay down any masks or pretenses you might wear in other situations; in fact, it’s a really important part of healing and growth. That said, masks are likely there for a good reason, and it might take some time to feel comfortable enough to lay them down.
If you find the idea of being your authentic self confusing, let your therapist know. If you’re struggling to distinguish between your feelings and other people’s, say so. This is important information that can help us get to the root of what you’re struggling with and how you’re really feeling.
Prioritize honesty over politeness.
Your therapy is your space. Don't feel pressured to be overly polite. Ask questions and respectfully disagree, if necessary. If something doesn't resonate, say so. Your response is valid, regardless of your therapist's expertise. Open, honest communication is key to a successful therapeutic relationship.
Share what's really on your mind.
Your therapy is most beneficial when you're fully transparent about your thoughts. To help you best, we need you to feel comfortable sharing your thoughts without fear of judgement. Sometimes it takes some time to get to that comfort level, and that’s ok. Know that as therapists, we’re trained to listen with non-judgemental openness.
It’s okay to cry here.
We’re willing to bet that every therapist has heard a variation of someone saying, “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” Emotions are an important part of therapy and definitely not something you need to apologize for.
That said, it’s totally understandable why that reaction would be there and it’s ok if that’s where you’re at. Part of therapy will very likely be exploring the ways that your emotions get bottled up. If something comes up that makes you sad, angry, or even joyful, know that all emotions are welcome here and it’s ok to let them out.
Try not to focus solely on symptom relief.
For instance, if you're having trouble sleeping because of racing thoughts, therapy can give you skills to help you manage this, but it’s also important to delve into why this is happening. Think of it like treating pain with ibuprofen: it might reduce the discomfort, but you still need to identify the source of the pain.
Set boundaries around your therapy experience.
While it's common to want to talk about therapy with your partner or family, it's important to set clear boundaries. You might not always feel comfortable sharing everything, so avoid creating an expectation that you will. Also, keep in mind that others' opinions can sometimes be more harmful than helpful.
Self-reflect between sessions.
Repetition of concepts or insights gained in therapy is an important part of the change process. For that reason, the work is not done when the therapy hour is done. Throughout the week, try to practice skills or reflect on what you learned in therapy. Keep an eye out for what emotions come up and what new challenges you may face.
One way to keep track of how you feel between therapy sessions is to keep a journal – feel free even to share your notes in therapy. Your therapist will very likely appreciate the work you’re willing to put in!
Expect to drag your feet sometimes.
It's normal to sometimes feel resistance towards showing up for therapy. Be aware of this feeling and try to understand why it’s there. Is your schedule too packed at the moment? Maybe you're resisting confronting particularly difficult material? Could it be a sign that you've outgrown your current therapist?
Similar to exercise, we don't always feel like going to therapy. However, often the times we least want to go are when it's most beneficial.
Get housekeeping items out of the way.
Consider starting each session with scheduling, payment, and administrative concerns in order to avoid interrupting emotional work at the end of the session.
Don’t worry about the clock.
Your therapist will be keeping an eye on the time, allowing you to turn off your devices and be present. Therapy sessions are usually around 50 minutes; try to make the most of that time for yourself.
Schedule therapy at a good time.
Try to book your therapy session when you can open up and decompress afterwards. If you’re doing virtual therapy, make sure you’re in a place where you feel comfortable, even if it is private (which it definitely should be!). It's easier to be emotionally available when you're not having to transition immediately back to your work responsibilities.
Don't expect your therapist to tell you what to do.
Therapy focuses less on giving advice and more on helping you find the answers that are right for you. While it's tempting to want your therapist to have all the solutions and just tell you what to do, this could potentially be more harmful than helpful. Try to set yourself the expectation of your therapist as a guide, not a “fixer”.
Be patient.
Therapy is hard, and positive change can take time. You might feel frustrated at times and it's perfectly okay to discuss these feelings with your therapist.
Ultimately, you don’t need any special skills to know how to “do” therapy correctly, but if questions or concerns come up, know that it’s a space where it is welcome to talk about the process itself. Finding a therapist that you can feel comfortable doing that with is your first step.
Check out our team at Alignwell to see if one of our therapists may be a good fit for you.